"And there's more...": the top 10 Clarkson quotes

Jeremania: Jeremy Clarkson's top 10 quotes

NEVER a man to shy away from controversy, Jeremy Clarkson has outspoken views on foreigners, politics, cars and the battle of the sexes that have made him a hero of free speech to his supporters and a loud-mouthed oaf to his detractors. Here are some of his most memorable remarks.

For more of Jeremy Clarkson’s most outrageous remarks, click here.



“It’s a car with arms like Schwarzenegger but a penis like a shrivelled-up little acorn.” (Chevrolet Corvette C6)

As featured in Clarkson on: America


2 James May

“James always says, ‘I don’t know why I do this [the Top Gear Live show] ‒ this is awful; this is terrible; I can’t wait for it to end.’ But he secretly loves it as well, despite his endless protestations. He even has a rider in his contract saying he has to have a packet of beef Hula Hoops after every show. And ginger beer, lashings of it. It’s like being on tour with Enid Blyton, frankly.”

As featured in Clarkson on: Top Gear


3 Budgie smugglers

“The Russians are the worst tourists in the world. Of course, they spent most of their childhood eating concrete and trying not to be tortured, so who can blame them for exploding onto the world’s beaches in a tizzy of frills, Versace sunglasses and extraordinarily tight Speedos?”

As featured in Clarkson on: foreigners


4 The Chevrolet Orlando

“Handling? That’s terrible. The ride? Terrible. Seat comfort? Terrible. And to top it all off, it was plainly styled by a man who gets tumescent at the thought of house bricks.”

As featured in Clarkson on: cars


5 Look on the bright side

“If I have a philosophy, it’s this: get born; live your life; die. And don’t worry about anything in between because it’s a waste of time. My attitude is, if I get up in the morning and I’m still breathing, I’m quids in. I hardly ever worry. I don’t suffer from depression; I don’t even have moods. If you’re in a bad mood, you’re wasting time.”

As featured in Clarkson on: Clarkson


6 The Vauxhall Vectra

“It is so boring that I came back from the launch in Barcelona with a whizzo idea. I’d start the column this morning by saying: ‘I’ve driven the new Vauxhall Vectra, and this is what I thought of it.’ And then I’d leave the rest of the space blank.”

As featured in Clarkson on: car launches


7 Punctuality

“[The Ford GT] arrived at my house one month ago inside a truck which had ‘On Time’ written down the side. As we know from America’s arrival into the Second World War, their concept of ‘on time’ differs slightly from ours.”

As featured in Clarkson on: America


8 Sunday evenings

“Top Gear is watched by 7m or 8m people in Britain every week and that means 54m find something better to do. Watching Heartbeat. Staring out of the window. Having a stroke. These are Peugeot’s customers.”

As featured in Clarkson on: Top Gear


9 British optimism

“We buy more convertibles in Britain than any other country in Europe. And we are certainly the only country where you will find people going to work dressed as Scott of the Antarctic simply so they can get the roof down. We are all mad.”

As featured in Clarkson on: convertibles


10 The underclass

“Today the average [American] petrol pump attendant is capable, just, of turning on a pump when you prepay. But if you pay for two pumps to be turned on to fill two cars, you can, if you stare carefully, see wisps of smoke coming from her fat, useless, war-losing, acne-scarred, gormless turnip face.”

As featured in Clarkson on: America


View Driving’s full selection of Clarkson quips, covering topics as diverse as foreigners, convertibles and car launches